“Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:36 NIV
I’m constantly at war with myself. My spirit wants to follow God’s will but my flesh wants to do it’s own thing, and so begins the battle. My spirit wants to love and forgive despite how I’m treated but my flesh wants to curse and fight. My spirit wants to give freely but my flesh wants to hoard everything for itself. My spirit wants to be proactive but my flesh wants to procrastinate. My spirit wants to praise God for my blessings but my flesh wants to complain about my problems. My spirit wants to trust the Lord completely and to not be afraid but my flesh wants to doubt and hide. My spirit wants to rejoice but my flesh worries that people will think I’m crazy. My spirit wants to write and share this blog but my flesh doubts that anyone will be encouraged by it.
Sometimes, these battles between my spirit and my flesh overwhelm me. I get exhausted and want to give up, but quitting is not an option for me. I didn’t come this far to go back to the life I used to live. I can’t forget how much God loves me. He loves me so much that He gives me grace and mercy each day. He gives me the strength and encouragement that I need to fight these battles. He loves you just the same. He sees your struggles. He knows how hard this fight is. He wants you to know that He is with you and with Him all things are possible. He loves you and He will never leave you nor forsake you. Don’t give up. Keep praying, believing and following God’s will for you. He will never break His promises.
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 NIV
“Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, ’Lord, save me!’” Matthew 14: 29-30 NIV
It’s cold and dark. I’m surrounded by water. I see a magnificent light in the distance. It’s Jesus telling me to not be afraid and come to him. His arms are outstretched and waiting for me. I step outside of the boat and walk towards him on the water. I’m amazed at this miracle and I feel truly blessed to have been chosen by the Almighty.
There are others that have remained in the boat. They’re begging me to come back and to stop acting foolish. They’re telling me that I’ll surely drown if I keep going. It’s impossible to walk on water. The Lord tells me to stay focused on him for with man this would be impossible but for God all things are possible. I keep going but my own fears and doubts have added to the fears of the other people on the boat. I take me eye off the Lord for a second to look down at the water below and my fears overtake me. I can’t see how deep the water is because it’s too dark. The wind is becoming stronger causing the water to become choppy. I start to feel the icy water cover the tops of my feet. Overwhelmed with fear, I cry out to the Lord and immediately I feel his steady, strong arms wrapped around me. Why did I ever doubt him? He always does what he promises. He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He is my shepherd. His light chases away all the darkness. His love strengthens me.
I am no longer sinking. I am doing the impossible. I am walking on water with my Savior, my Healer, my Provider, my Best Friend–Jesus.
“When I said, ’My foot is slipping,’ your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.” Psalm 94:18-19 NIV